


Lonely

by JellyFicsnFucks



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Angst, Depression, Diary/Journal, Gen, Insecurity, POV First Person, Self-Doubt, from Red's POV, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28589940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JellyFicsnFucks/pseuds/JellyFicsnFucks
Summary: Red writes in his diary, of a visitor from another world. The stranger who visits night after night and disappears.
Relationships: Non romantic: Kustard
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	Lonely

Today I was visited by an angel who donned my skin. Well..bones. 

He had a grin that was brighter than any oil lamp in Snowdin. His bones were as pale and smooth as the ivory decorating Asgore’s throne. I’ve never seen a monster without a shred of lv to their name. Yet he was stronger than me. Stronger than Boss. I don't understand how someone without any level of violence could be so…. Cool. 

He came alone. Left alone. Disappearing like a dream.

The only trace of him is the machine in the basement that is humming now. It works. I can’t believe that scrap of metal, after all these years, is functioning. The real question is… what does it do? 

Boss was afraid to touch it. Same here. There’s something unnatural about the doc’s machine. I can’t remember right… but i’m sure it's the reason he’s not here anymore. I’m sure it's the reason why no one can remember him anymore. If it weren’t for Boss and a few scattered pictures saved… we might not remember either. 

So how did that angel know bout it? 

He danced around our attacks like they were nothing to him. Every bone Boss threw at him missed. Every blast I sent in his direction was … nulled. It’s like my own Blasters weren’t listening me… but obeying his every whim. I’ve never felt so humiliated and powerless before. But rather than the guy killing us… he offered us a hand. 

Stars, his smile was so dazzling. Even though he wore my face, he was nothing like me. He was... confident and radiant. Cool and strong. Boss is even talking about him. He’s been asking around town and the royal guard for anyone who has seen that skeleton. But I know he won't turn up any results. Meetings like that… are once in a lifetime events. I doubt we’ll ever see that shape shifter again. 

\----

He came again. 

In the middle of the night we heard tinkering from the basement. The machine that hummed with life was being operated on. It's insides were spewed along the floor in long methodical rows of screws and bolts, piping and electronics. Sorted but not disassembled. The thing still ran live with mechanical pops and fissures of light that sizzled in the dark. 

This time Boss and I didn’t attack. We knew the smiley bastard would just avoid every hit. Besides. We had to save our magic. 

I was the first to speak to him. I asked what he wanted. What was he doing in our house. 

In a way that answered nothing, he smirked and said. “I’m opening a door.” and disappeared again.

What gives man? That sly creep thinks he can just pop in whenever he wants and that I won't be the slightest bit annoyed? The machine in the basement is whirring with a weird fan. Maybe that's meant to keep it cool. I don't remember that being attached to the unit before. Guess that guy built it. The wreckage is looking strange. Almost like… well. I shouldn't make assumptions. 

That angel pissed me off. Smiling without answering me. I’ll punch his face next time. 

\----  
Damn he’s cute. He came back again. This time wearing the stupidest armor in the world. It was a set of pajamas with hotdogs on it. The cartoon wieners said “Hold my buns” and to make it worse, the cretin was wearing fuzzy pink slippers. Slippers! Like he didn’t even intend to fight or run! 

Not that we expected him too anyway. It’s the third night this stranger has appeared in the house. We can’t do anything to kick him out… so Boss sat down this time and watched him work. I did too. 

He was so focussed on rebuilding that junk metal. We could have attacked him from the back. Maybe this time it would work. But it wouldn't answer any of our boiling questions. Not that he did either. I asked him what his name was- and the asshole said “Sans”. The bastards stealing my face and my name now! If only he wasn’t such a lame copy I’d smash his teeth in. How dare he charm his way into our home and let down his guard! ...It makes me really uneasy. 

When I see his carefree smile …. I remember Boss used to smile like that when he was a baby bones. Did I ever look that way? … I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t hiding behind a barred jaw. I had to sharpen my teeth to protect me and Boss when we were kids. It was painful and permanently damaged my jaw. So seeing him with his round-stupid teeth and blueish blush makes me so angry. How can he smile and act like he has such a good life? ... How can he … just pop in and act like everything is ok.? 

\----

Boss had a plan tonight to leave cookies and milk by the machine. Like our midnight intruder was some sort of Sansta. Hell, maybe he was. The strange way he disappears night after night is sort of like those fairies we read in books. 

But whatever he’s building is far from sugar plums and toys. I can’t believe we’ve let him do as he likes night after night. For all we know he could be assembling a bomb in our basement. Right under our feet while we sleep.

He asked me a question tonight. It caught me a bit off guard. He said, ‘Do you think, even the worst person could change?’ 

I didn’t know how to answer him. Those kinda questions are still burning in my skull. Are there things that are evil in this world? The lives I’ve taken… were necessary to keep me and Pap alive. But … there’s not a single night I dont hear those screams. The nightmares keep me up and even Boss has suffered through a nightmare or two. If people like us, could change…

No. There would be no way. No matter what we’d still carry that weight of the past with us. I don't know what that devilishly handsome prick thinks he’s doing but… he should know that monsters like us were doomed to die alone. Why was he even here? …

\----

Boss wants to name him… “blue-shit” and apparently has welcomed the idea of this intruder being part of the family. Or at least, part of the house. When we heard the rumble downstairs he didn’t even bother getting changed in his guard uniform. Matching with him, he wore his own pajamas. His black, 'bad to the bone' tee and sweatpants. I’ve never seen boss in more humiliating combat attire. We still don't know what this guy wants. He could be an enemy. 

As strange as it may seem for this dazzling angel to be a threat… we both know he’s stronger than us. Somehow… somehow he means us harm. And I’m the last one defending us. He’s already swayed Boss. But I’ll protect my idiot brother no matter what. He may be an adult now, but Boss is still just as naive as when we were kids. He’s fascinated with this blue copy. 

... I am too. 

… It’s curious how he breaks in every night and disappears like stardust. If this angel truely meant us harm… he would have stealthily attacked us in our sleep and easily disappeared without a trace. So why was he in the basement. What is he building? 

... I don’t know what to do, except stand guard. And watch him work. 

\-----

He didn’t come tonight. 

Boss and I stayed awake and sat in the basement floor all night. He brought snacks… but the blue-shit angel was a no-show. We have guard duty in the morning, so I urged Boss to go to sleep. But he’s stubborn as always. 

\----  
I wonder what happened to that guy.  
Theres a sinking feeling in my chest. I didn’t know how attached I was the intruder. To be actually disappointed he didn’t show up… I feel pretty lame. Whoever he was. He probably has a life of his own. He doesn't have to come and babysit us. 

\----  
Maybe he got tired of us. Anyone would. What kind of masochistic idiot would want to spend time with people who were actively staring him down? Hating him? Plotting against him. Talking behind his back. 

I hope tomorrow he’ll come say hi. 

\----

Maybe I’m an ugly person. A hateful, spiteful creep. Did I push away the only person in the whole world that was nice to me and boss? Whenever he was around… I was only quiet and listened. Listened to nothing. There was no conversation. No reason to chit-chat. 

Unlike Boss, who buzzes around Undyne and talks to citizens on a daily basis, I’m very awkward with others. I don't talk much. I don't like being outside much. 

Being part of a group is difficult. I want to be included…. Without having to get attached to anyone. It’s difficult. Maybe that’s why I’m not accepted. I never opened up. I never tried to be friendly to the guy who was visiting. 

\----

Even though I didn’t talk much to him, I could sense his hate. Yeah. That had to be it. Maybe that's all it was. Maybe he was just scoping the place out to rob… and Boss and I cornered him in the basement. Who knew what all these interconnecting parts were for? Maybe just a way to stall for time? Get us to lower our defences? 

It worked. 

Boss still wanders around, wondering if our ‘visitor’ came back. It was…. Honestly nice. To have someone… who didn’t want to kill us. We didn’t speak much… and suspicions were high. But maybe we should have treated the guy nicer. Maybe I should have treated him nicer. 

\----

That machine is haunting me. Even when I close my eyes to sleep I can hear it whirring from downstairs. 

Should I unplug it? It is a weapon? … 

I'm sure it piqued Boss’s curiosity as well. Especially since there is a chair in the center of it. Like someone is supposed to sit there to pilot… it. 

Whatever it was. 

\---  
He came back… but he wasn’t in the basement.  
This time he came to my room.  
He crawled into my bed. 

He whispered something in a mist of magic that seeped from his open mouth.  
A rare green that healed the soul.  
The mind. 

The bed sunk with his weight.  
He sat beside me and sang.  
It’s a lullaby I hadn’t heard before. 

But it felt safe.  
Felt like home.  
When I woke I was crying.  
And again, I was alone. 

Did I dream him? 

Pfff- How gay is that shit right?  
Heh Heh…  
Huh. 

But ...the bed was still warm. 

\-----

The machine stopped working that night. The loud hum died down. The mechanical gears stopped, the fan stopped, the visits stopped. 

If there was ever someone here… there's no trace of him. 

\----

I miss him. 

I miss the quiet, rattles of metal. The clacking of keystrokes. The smile in the middle of the night.

I wonder what happened. Was it me? 

Was I too desperate for a friend? Too desperate for hope? 

But I never showed that side of me. I backed off and gave them space. Space to do…. Whatever it was they did with that machine. To take over the basement and a week of our lives. I watched. I observed. I stayed passive even when Boss was already eager to make friends. 

Now Boss is facing that disappointment… and I? … I don't know. 

I didn’t expect much to begin with. I kinda hoped… that angel would stay. I don't know why, I just … things felt new and better… when someone was here. 

Maybe.... Some people just aren’t meant to stay? They’re not meant to be held hostage to whatever emotional shit I’m going through. They’re not meant to play guessing games why I’m silent. Why I’m content. Why I’m angry. I should have been more vocal. I should have asked more questions. I should have asked them about themselves. Or shared a story about myself. I kept too distant. Now they’re gone. 

Maybe... I'm just not a person anyone can be friends with… No. I’m not friendly at all. Too afraid of letting people in. 

Maybe they got bored...Clearly I had nothing to offer them. They were only here to sate their own curiosity. 

Maybe even when I try to be friendly, people can see how ugly and desperate I am to make friends. .... Maybe they can see behind my fake smile. See my fakeness is hiding a sad miserable person. 

A hopeless person. A person abandoned by their father. Abandoned by their brother. A person who had no one left in this world but the chain and leash around their neck. Looking. Hoping… someone will pick up the reins. 

But no one will. Someone with my face would know exactly how much I’m holding back. He already knew. He must have. 

He knew the only escape was to abandon me too.


End file.
